'Do not be afraid, just have faith' - Mark 5: 36

There came a time in my life when this quote was getting me through the day.
I had been ill for a few years, the doctors were trying everything yet I was making no substantial improvement. (Although looking back I can see I was taking small steps but couldn't see it at the time). I had accepted by this point that my illness was part of God's plan for me, it was his will and that everyone has a cross to bear and this was mine. However, my world was so dark and I couldn't see the light. I couldn't believe I was ever going to get better. I felt abandoned by God.
Then there was my turning point and I can't remember the exact moment it happened. I realised a few things. First was that God would never, ever abandon me. He was always, always there, I just had to seek and find him. Second was that I didn't know how or when, I had no answers, but I just knew that I was going to get better. I had dreams, I looked to my future, I had plans. God wouldn't plant these seeds if I wasn't going to get better. How could I fulfil the dream of being a social worker if I was ill? Therefore, I knew I had to get better. Just had no idea how. And so there was a glimmer of light. And this faith sustained me and brought me through. I was still afraid sometimes, I still questioned, I still looked for answers but I had faith in God. I gave my life to him and was prepared to do his will. And I knew that there was a reason for my illness. Just as Jesus carried the cross and died to save humanity, I was to suffer with this illness. From it I grew in faith, maturity and learnt so much. It has made me who I am. And this willingness to give in to God's will was a turning point in my faith. And with that faith came complete trust.
I learnt this trust from Mary, the Mother of God. Lourdes was where my faith was re-ignited. When I am in Lourdes, I feel closest to God. And so it holds a very special place in my heart and is where I am happiest and is my favourite place in the world. And so Mary is very special to me. She showed great faith and trust in the Lord when she was told she was to have the Son of God. I learnt a lot from her.
And sure enough, I got better.

Wow, this post has become very churchy! But it is my faith and I am proud to talk about it. It is my journey and I am not ashamed. And I continue to learn everyday.