Friday 23 December 2011

The world of change

So many charities are appealing for us to help people in 3rd world countries, those who desperately need clean water, food and education. They do such amazing work and are making a real difference and they are going to need support continually to ensure they can continue to make a difference in those countries.

I completely support this work. I also believe that there needs to be a bigger push to look closer to home. There are so many in the uk living in poverty. They don't have safe shelter or enough food and are not getting education. They need our help also. And I truly believe that it would be effective to put an emphasis on those closest to home who need our help which will lead to being able to feel as passionate about those who need help around the world. We give money but are so disconnected from the reality we are trying to change. Working in our own realities first may enable us to feel more connected to the realities we are trying to change around the world.

For me, that's where YCW comes in. A movement working to make a difference in our own lives and immediate realities whilst also being passionate about making a difference in other people's realities.

Thursday 22 December 2011

different worlds....

I've always been the most mature of my friends, this has never bothered me or been an issue. Our realities were so similar and although I was mature beyond my years I still lived as a teenager to some extent. So the difference was hardly noticeable.

When people ask me why I don't want to go to uni I answer that I simply don't want that life. I do not want the lifestyle of a 20 year old student. Never really have although a year in full time work most probably affirmed that feeling! And I don't feel I'm missing out at all, I know I would hate it. I don't envy all my friends in uni, I love listening to their
drAma! Yes sometimes I want to knock sense into them but its all part of the fun.

I'm mature beyond my years but I'm still like doing what 20 year olds do, just in moderation and with a bit more dignity. I don't consider myself higher or better than my friends, as long as they are safe and happy, I'm happy.
But our realities are so so different and the one thing that is tough is that I can't share their reality. I have never felt so far away from them, so out of touch. They don't understand my life so don't get involved in it and due to my reality there is only so far I can get involved with theirs. That's hard.

Thursday 15 December 2011

Stations of the Cross

When I told my spiritual director this, she told me I was blessed, I had never thought of it as a spiritual experience and certainly wouldn't have called myself blessed. But I guess I really am very lucky to know my God this way.

Years ago, I realised that we all have a cross to bare in life. Just like Jesus did. It was then that I realised, depression was my cross to bare.
I was in Lourdes, doing the high stations with a group of young people. I chose to do it in silence, tried not to communicate much with everyone around me. I was lost in my own world.
At each station, I was able to relate to the event. An event that we hear about all the time, the stations, the journey Jesus took that we reflect on and remember each year, suddenly became very relevant to me.

Jesus is condemned to death and given his cross- I remember the day I was diagnosed, although it is a blur. But it came as no surprise. We knew too well that all the signs were pointing to depression, just needed a doctor to conclude from my assessment that it was official.
Jesus begins the walk, on which he falls three times - He feels it impossible to get up and carry on. However, somehow He does manage it because He is given the strength of the Lord and knows He must continue. Funnily enough, I fall too, but somehow carry on, much to my surprise.
The women of Jerusalem cry for Jesus- my family and friends, those who care for me had to stand by and watch me suffer. They try to help but can't always. I know it is tough for them.
Simon of Cyrene helps Jesus carry his cross - There are many who help me carry my cross, even though, like Jesus, I carry most of the weight as although I should not carry it alone, it is my cross, not theirs
Veronica wipes the face of Jesus- A small action that means so much, shows she cares. These are so important in the toughest of times.
Jesus meets his mother- My mum has seen me at my weakest. She weeps for me but shows her love. This means more than she knows.
Jesus is stripped of his garments - For me, this reminds me of the time when I have felt like I have lost so much dignity through my illness. The times when I have had no control over my actions and been exposed, my weakness has been exposed.
Jesus' nailing to the cross and his death- Obviously tough to relate these. But what I took from this is that I know that there is a place in heaven for me with the Lord. I also know that through my illness, I am becoming stronger. I also relate to this as the point where Jesus gave himself completely to the Lord. I have had that experience, where I have stopped trying to fight, and have had to put complete trust and faith in the Lord. I have had times like Jesus did in the garden of gethsemane where he asked for the Lord to save him from the cross that awaitened him.

And when I finished the stations I felt incredibly close to the Lord and to my faith.

I count myself lucky (I'm not sure about the word blessed!) to have had this experience.

Love me, that's all I ask of you

No more talk of darkness
Forget these wide-eyed fears
I'm here, nothing can harm you
My words will warm and calm you

Let me be your freedom
Let daylight dry your tears
I'm here, with you, beside you
To guard you and to guide you

Say you'll love me every waking moment
Turn my head with talk of summer time
Say you need me with you now and always
Promise me that all you say is true
That's all I ask of you

Let me be your shelter
Let me be your light
You're safe, no one will find you
Your fears are far behind you

All I want is freedom
A world with no more night
And you, always beside me
To hold me and to hide me

Then say you'll share with me one love, one lifetime
Let me lead you from your solitude
Say you need me with you here, beside you
Anywhere you go, let me go too
Christine, that's all I ask of you

Say you'll share with me one love, one lifetime
Say the word and I will follow you

Share each day with me, each night, each morningSay you love meYou know I do

Love me, that's all I ask of you.

Anywhere you go, let me go too
Love me, that's all I ask of you

My heart cannot be kindled without you

A stunning song from the stunning film, A Little Princess

As the moon kindles the night 
As the wind kindles the fire 
As the rain fills every ocean 
And the Sun the Earth 
So your heart will kindle my heart 

Take my heart 
Take my heart 
Kindle it with your heart 
And my heart cannot be 
Kindled without you 
Your heart will kindle my heart

Wednesday 14 December 2011

Silence

Last weekend I went on retreat and we were asked if we struggled to with silence. My instant answer was yes. I hate silence. I hate stillness. I have to be surrounded by activity, watching tv or listening to music. Even though I love time to myself, it is hardly ever in silence. Back in May I did a 24 hour silence for charity... the blog post I wrote is on here. I haven't had much silence since.

I saw my spiritual director today. She spoke to me about my busy life being the reason I may feel distant from God. 'Nothing in creation is so like God as stillness' - Meister Eckhard. My retreat leader, Fr Damien, told me that when I am silent, it is then I will hear God.
Edwina Gatelely wrote a psalm called 'Let your God Love You':
'Be silent.
Be still.
Alone.
Empty
Before your God.
Say nothing.
Ask nothing.
Be silent.
Be still.

Let your God
Look upon you.
That is all.
God knows
God understands.
God loves you
With an enormous love.
And only wants
To look upon you
With that love.
Quiet.
Still.
Be.

Let your God- Love you'

Wisdom 18:14
'When peaceful silence lay over all
and the night had run half its course,
Down from the heavens,
from the royal throne,
Leapt your almighty Word.
Into the heart of a troubled world.'

Such a powerful image. As it is Advent, I hope that I will find time for silence.

All I need is time

You tell me, you're in love with me
Like you can't take your pretty eyes away from me
It's not that I don't want to stay
But every time you come too close, I move away
I wanna believe in everything that you say
'Cause it sounds so good
But if you really want me, move slow
There's things about me, you just have to know

Sometimes I run
Sometimes I hide
Sometimes I'm scared of you
But all I really want is to hold you tight
Treat you right, be with you day and night
Baby, all I need is time

I don't wanna be so shy
Every time that I'm alone, I wonder why
Hope that you will wait for me
You'll see that you're the only one for me
I wanna believe in everything that you say
'Cause it sounds so good
But if you really want me, move slow
There's things about me, you just have to know

Sometimes I run
Sometimes, sometimes I hide
Sometimes I'm scared of you
But all I really want is to hold you tight
Treat you right, be with you day and night
All I really want is to hold you tight
Treat you right, be with you day and night
Baby, all I need is time

Come, just hang around and you'll see
There's nowhere I'd rather be
If you love me, trust in me
The way that I trust in you

Sometimes I run
Sometimes I hide
Sometimes I'm scared of you
All I really want is to hold you tight
Treat you right, be with you day and night
All I really want is to hold you tight
Be with you day and night

I've got all I need to feel like I'm a star

From the musical Sister Act, reminds me that as long as I have my girls, and indeed my sister, there is no more that I need


I don’t need a spotlight,
I don’t need a crowd,
I don’t need the great wide world
to shout my name out loud.
Don’t need fame or fortune,
nice as those things are,
I’ve got all I need
to feel like I’m a star.

I’ve got my sisters by my side.
I’ve got my sisters' love and pride.
And in my sisters' eyes
I recognize the star I want to be.

And with my sisters standing strong,
I’m on the stage where I belong.
And nothing’s ever gonna change that fact.
I’m part of one terrific sister act.

And yes, I love that spotlight!
Yes I crave acclaim!
I’ll admit I love the sound
when strangers scream my name.
All that glitz and glamour,
they’re all right no doubt.
But what are you left with
when the lights go out?

I’ll have my sisters with me still,
I’ll have my sisters, always will.
And with my sisters' love,
no star above will shine as
bright as me.

And as a sister and a friend,
I’ll be a sister ‘til the end,
and no one on this earth can
change that fact -
I’m part of one terrific sister act.

If you ever find a moment, spare a thought for me

Think of me, think of me fondly,
when we've said goodbye.
Remember me once in a while -
please promise me you'll try.
When you find that, once again, you long
to take your heart back and be free -
if you ever find a moment,
spare a thought for me

We never said our love was evergreen,
or as unchanging as the sea -
but if you can still remember
stop and think of me . . .

Think of all the things
we've shared and seen -
don't think about the way things
might have been . . .

Think of me, think of me waking,
silent and resigned.
Imagine me, trying too hard
to put you from my mind.
Recall those days
look back on all those times,
think of the things we'll never do -
there will never be a day,
when I won't think of you . . .
Flowers fades,
The fruits of summer fade,
They have their seasons, so do we
but please promise me, that sometimes
you will think of me!

Sunday 11 December 2011

The journey isn't over yet....

I went on retreat this weekend. I haven't been on retreat for a year and more to the point, I haven't had a break for what feels like longer!
It was amazing. The people were lovely and so kind and we were all so close and laughed so much. I really enjoyed myself and was gutted to say goodbye.
On friday night we went to the beach and all chose a rock. The rock was to journey through the weekend with us and today at mass we were asked to leave it behind. As I was preparing to leave my rock behind I remembered my stone. The heart stone that I bought in Lourdes a year and a half ago. I bought it because I thought it was pretty yet soon it became something I could no longer go through the day without. It lives in my bra and reminds me that Mary and God are watching over me and that I am loved and protected.
I have had many ups and downs over the last year and a half and my life has changed dramatically. I took it in my hands today and considered leaving it behind with my rock. Why? Because I wanted a new start, free of my past, free of the baggage. I wanted a new journey to begin. Also because I'm considering working at the place where the retreat was and currently trying to make the decision to whether I should stay at YCW another year or go. If I left my heart there, maybe it was a sign that its where I should be.
I then remembered May 1st 2010, the day I was commissioned to work for YCW. I sat in mass and held the stone so tightly, I wouldn't let go. I was nervous and it was protecting me. And I haven't let go since, and that's when I realised. My journey is not over yet. My journey with YCW is still going and me and my stone started it together and will finish it together (I know it sounds rediculous!).
And I think I knew this. I want to work out what I want to do next year and part of me thought this would have been an easy way to do it.
The journey continues....

Wednesday 23 November 2011

What if God was one of us?

If God had a name what would it be?
And would you call it to his face?
If you were faced with him 
In all his glory
What would you ask if you had just one question?

And yeah, yeah, God is great
Yeah, yeah, God is good
Yeah, yeah, yeah-yeah-yeah

What if God was one of us?
Just a slob like one of us
Just a stranger on the bus 
Trying to make his way home

If God had a face what would it look like?
And would you want to see 
If seeing meant that 
you would have to believe 
in things like heaven and in Jesus and the saints
and all the prophets 

Trying to make his way home
Back up to heaven all alone
Nobody calling on the phone
'cept for the Pope maybe in Rome

Just trying to make his way home
Like a holy rolling stone
Back up to heaven all alone
Just trying to make his way home
Nobody calling on the phone
'cept for the Pope maybe in Rome 


Last night we did a session with a group of young people preparing for Confirmation. They were asked to think about what they would ask God if they met him in person. 
I could think of no other question then to ask Him what his plan was for me? And how could I see Him more clearly in my life.


Very interesting to think about

Give me the courage to challenge what is wrong....

The YCW Prayer

Lord Jesus,
I thank you for this day
I offer you all my work, my hopes and struggles, my joys and sorrows
Help me and all my fellow workers to think like you, to work with you, to live in you
Help me to love you with all my heart and serve you with all my strength
May your kingdom come in all our places of work, study and leisure and in all our homes
Give me the courage to challenge what is wrong and keep me faithful to the ideals of the Young Christian Workers
May those who have suffered for what is right and all who have died share in the happiness of your kingdom for ever.

Mary Queen of Apostles        Pray for Us
St Therese of Lisieux              Pray for Us
St Joseph the Worker            Pray for Us

Tuesday 22 November 2011

Fr Joseph Cardijn

The founder of YCW, a truly inspirational man. I thought I would share some of his thoughts:

'When man is on the moon, YCW will be there also'.
'Every young person is worth more than all the gold in the world because they are sons and daughters of God'.
'We are setting out to conquer the world'.
'Give me leaders and I will raise the world'.

'Young workers are not machines, or animals or slaves. They are the sons, the daughters, the collaborators, the heirs of God. 'He gave them the power to become the sons of God... partakers of the Divine Nature'. That is their sole true destiny, the reason of their existence, their life, and their work, the source of all their rights and all their duties'.

'The true leader never remains alone, they have to form a team, a YCW group, a little community in which each knows each other and is not afraid to talk'.

'The first and immediate apostle to a young worker is another young worker'.

'A leader is a young worker who has come to understand the enormous responsibility he/she has in life with regards to other young workers. He has an influence on other young workers. It is he who brings the YCW into being, he is the first YCW'.

'Everything by the leaders- nothing without the chaplain'.

'This mission given to God by all men finds its fullest expression in the lay apostolate. It consists in 'building a world to God's will, a fraternal humanity where the humble are loved and, helped by their brothers' witness to the presence and the life of God, for the establishment of peace and glory'.

As I kneel before you

I have chosen the above picture for this post because it is the statue of the Crowned Virgin, Mary the Mother of Christ in Lourdes. Not only is Lourdes the most important place in my life but it is where I came to know Mary and feel closest to her. It is also where the hymn below spoke to me and became my favourite prayer. The belief is also that if you say three Hail Marys in front of the statue, then you will return to Lourdes some day. It hasn't failed for me yet!

As I kneel before you,
As I bow my head in prayer,
Take this day, make it yours
and fill me with your love.

Ave Maria,
Gratia plena,
Dominus tecum,
Benedicta tu.

All I have I give you,
Every dream and wish are yours,
Mother of Christ,
Mother of mine, present them to my Lord.

As I kneel before you,
And I see your smiling face,
Ev'ry thought, ev'ry word
Is lost in your embrace.

Monday 21 November 2011

Beauty












1 Thessalonians 5:18

'Rejoice always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus'

Kiss me like you wanna be loved

Settle down with meCover me upCuddle me in
Lie down with meAnd hold me in your arms
And your heart's against my chest, your lips pressed in my neckI'm falling for your eyes, but they don't know me yetAnd with a feeling I'll forget, I'm in love now
Kiss me like you wanna be lovedYou wanna be lovedYou wanna be lovedThis feels like falling in loveFalling in loveWe're falling in love
Settle down with meAnd I'll be your safetyYou'll be my lady
I was made to keep your body warmBut I'm cold as the wind blows so hold me in your arms
Oh noMy heart's against your chest, your lips pressed in my neckI'm falling for your eyes, but they don't know me yetAnd with this feeling I'll forget, I'm in love now
Kiss me like you wanna be lovedYou wanna be lovedYou wanna be lovedThis feels like falling in loveFalling in loveWe're falling in love
Yeah I've been feeling everything from hate to love to lustFrom lust to truth I guess that's how I know youSo I hold you close to help you give it up
So kiss me like you wanna be lovedYou wanna be lovedYou wanna be lovedThis feels like falling in loveFalling in loveWe're falling in love

Cause maybe you're loveable and maybe you're my snowflake

I should ink my skin, with your name.And take my passport out again,and just replace it.See I could do without a tan on my left hand,where my fourth finger meets my knuckle.And I should run you a hot bath, fill it up with bubbles.
'Cause maybe your loveable,and maybe your my snowflake,and your eyes turn from green to grey,in the winter I'll hold you in a cold place.And you should never cut your hair,'cause I love the way you flick it off your shoulder, (mm)And you will never know, just how beautiful you are to me,but maybe I'm just in love when you wake me up.
And Would you ever feel guilty? If you did the same to me.Would you make me a cup of tea, to open my eyes in the right way?And I know you love shrek, 'cause we've watched it twelve times.But, maybe you're hoping for a fairy-tale to, but if your DVD breaks today,You should of got a VCR, because I've never owned a blueray, true say.
And I've always been shit at computer games, and your brother always beats me,And if I lost, i'd go across and chuck all the controllers at the tv, and then you'd laugh at me,and be asking me, if I'm going to be home next week,and then you'd lie with me, until I fall asleep,and flutter an eyelash on my cheek, between the sheets.
And you will never know, just how beautiful you are to me,but maybe I'm just in love when you wake me up.
And I think you hate the smell of smoke,you always try get me to stop,You drink as much as me, and I get drunk alot,So I take you to the beach, and walk along the sand,And I'll make you a heart pendant, with a pebble in my hand.And I'll carve it like a necklace, so the heart falls where your chest is,And now a piece of me, is a piece of the beach, and it falls just where it needs to be, and rests peacefully.You just need to breathe, to feel my heart against yours now, against yours now.
But maybe I'm just in love when you wake me up.But maybe I'm just in love when you wake me up.
Gyal you want me to hold yuh, put me arms right around ya, gyal you give me the tightest love me ever seen in my life, Gyal just want me to squeeze ya, ya put me arms right around ya, Gyal you give me the tightest love me ever seen in my life. ( Oh in my life, Oh, Oh in my life, Ohh, Oh in my life, Ohhh)
Well maybe I'm just in love when you wake me up,Maybe I'm just in love when you wake me up,I said maybe I fell in love, when you woke me up

Lego House

I'm gonna pick up the piecesAnd build a lego houseIf things go wrong we can knock it down
And three words havetwo meaningsthere's one thing on my mindIt's all for you
And it's dark in the cold decemberbut i've got you to keep me warmIf you're broken heart wont mend, yeahand keep you sheltered from the stormthat's raging on now
I'm out of touchI'm out of loveI'll bring you upwhen you're getting downAnd out of all these things i've doneI think I love you better now
I'm out of sightI'm out of mindI'll do it all for you anytimeAnd out of all these things i've doneI think I love you better nownow
I'm gonna paint you by numbersand colour you in
if things go rightwe could frame itand put you on a wall
And it's so hard to say itbut i've been here beforenow i'll surrender up my heartand swap it for yours
I'm out of touchI'm out of loveI'll pick you upwhen you're getting downAnd out of all these things i've doneI think I love you better now

I'm out of sightI'm out of mindI'll do it all for you anytimeAnd out of all these things i've doneI think I love you better now
don't hold me downi think the braces are breakingand it's more than i can take
And it's dark in the cold decemberbut i've got you to keep me warmIf you're broken heart wont mend, yeahand keep you sheltered from the stormthat's raging on now
I'm out of touchI'm out of loveI'll pick you upwhen you're getting downAnd out of all these things i've doneI think I love you better now
I'm out of sightI'm out of mindI'll do it all for you anytimeAnd out of all these things i've doneI think I love you better now
I'm out of touchI'm out of loveI'll pick you upwhen you're getting downAnd out of all these things i've doneI will love you better now