My faith was passed on to me through my family. Both my parents were brought up as Catholics and were married in a Catholic church. My brother, sister and myself were baptised in the Catholic faith as babies and attended Catholic primary and secondary school and college. Every Sunday since I was born we went to church without fail, we were very involved in parish life taking part in social activities and the music group. Even on holiday we would find a Catholic church for Sunday morning mass. My faith was a part of family life, was part of our social lives and almost routine. I did not feel connected to God on a very personal level but R.E. was my favourite subject in school and I was always asking questions. When my mum was ill, I did not turn to my faith, I guess I was too young, but no matter how ill my mum was the one thing she continued to do was attend mass, as did my Dad. Looking back, this was most probably their way of coping with it all.
When I was 14 years old I went to Lourdes with HCPT and discovered my faith in a different context. For the first time in my life I felt close to God and so Lourdes became my favourite place in the world. It has a lot of special meaning to me because in that one week back in 2006 I grew so much in faith.
My illness meant I had to have faith. Through my illness I learnt so much about my faith and it was what pulled me through. I realised over time that my life was in God’s hands, it was part of his plan for me and it was the cross that I had to bear. When I tried to end it I believe it was God who inspired me to go to hospital and get the help, because it was part of his plan. And I learnt a lot from that experience. I learnt that I was going to get better, I just did not know how or when but God knew and I had to trust him. He gave me the ability to have dreams, aspirations and hopes for the future, so I must have a future. I found myself constantly looking for answers, which helped me grow and develop. At times I felt he had abandoned me, so I turned away from him. I grew to know that he would never abandon me or turn me away, his arms were always open for me to come to him. I had to actively seek him to find him which gave me greater strength and faith. I had to trust that he was always at my side, guiding me and showing me the way and when things got really tough, he carried me.
Getting involved with YCW also gave me a greater understanding of my faith as it led me to a new parish, which became my life line throughout my illness. I became very involved, the people became my friends and mass on a Sunday was the one thing I had to do no matter what as it gave me strength to get me through the next week. The method of the YCW also keeps me learning about my faith and I met some amazing people through the charity.
I realise now that God sent me many gifts to help me in my illness. These included my faith, strength, trust and courage. The gifts also came in the form of people, my sister being the greatest gift of all as she became my reason for living. I know that he gives me choices so that I will make mistakes and learn and he will not hold these mistakes against me. I am on a journey with him and continue to grow and develop in faith and love. My faith has become the centre of my life and my guide. I learn something new every day.
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