So my illness has left me with emotional scars (in a sense) as I have felt and known the deepest sadness and loneliness and isolation, I have been scared and afraid and in despair. But I don't see these things as emotional scars, because I have pullled through them, become stronger and they build up who I am and I am not afraid of them. And now and again the wound bleeds again and I don't think this will ever leave me.
But I also have physical scars. The first is my medical records, they will always stay with me so I will always have records of my illness. But also my hospital visit, and these can't be erased.
And then there are the physical scars which I see everyday and are visible to others. I used to be ashamed of the scars and looked for treatment to get rid of them. They were a constant reminder of my illness, my sadness, my despair. And I would have done anything to get rid of them. But at some point over the years my attitude changed. I was no longer ashamed of them. I didn't want to show them off either. People are uncomfortable when they realise what my scars are and when they see them they know instantly. And they don't like to talk about them or ask about them. Which I understand. But now when I see them I don't feel ashamed. I feel pride. They are a sign of my past. The fact they are so faded shows that I'm not that person anymore. And I'm stronger now. And they show just how far I have come.
No comments:
Post a Comment