Change

This time last year I was the happiest I had been for five years. I was finally stable and it took me a while to realise because I had forgotten what it was like. It wasn't until the doctor said it that I started to believe it.
But I don't feel that same stability. What has changed?
Well everything I guess. I came out of college having achieved 4 really good A levels, something I never thought I would achieve. I left my family, my friends and everything that was familiar to move to London. I was thrown into big city life, community living and working life where everything and everyone who were my strength was stripped away from me.
The novelty was there for a while but it became reality and I experienced my illness in a new setting, new life, very very different to what it was before. Everything that I used to cope and deal with my illness has changed because life was suddenly very different. And this has been a struggle, a climb, a battle and a learning curve. I have had to find new coping strategies. I was blinded by the excitement of London to face up to how difficult it was going to be. Community living is tough. London is lonely and isolating. I love my job but work can tire me out.
I love it and have accepted the challenge with grace and wouldn't change it for the world. I have learnt so much and still am. I have come so far, even if at times it has felt that I have taken a million steps back. I remember what I used to be like and see I am very little of that person now. Although it feels sometimes I am going back to my old ways I realise its not my old ways. Its different ways. And this is not nearly as bad as I once were
Many can't believe how well I have coped and are proud of how I have coped and stuck with it. And I am proud of me too.
As I always say, baby steps.And each is as significatn as the last and the next. And I cannot turn down a challenge. And I never give up.