Lourdes

So Lourdes is the most important place in my life, my favourite place in the world. For the last 3 years I have travelled there twice a year, and when I go in the summer it will be my 8th trip. But why?

In year 9 at high school we had to learn about Lourdes. To help our understanding my RE teacher showed us a video made by HCPT about their annual Easter pilgrimage. Watching the video changed my life. I was hooked on the place, the pilgrimage, the experience all portrayed in that video.
I spoke to my teacher after class about wanting to go. He directed me to the HCPT and Heath Hospital Lourdes Group websites. I went home that night and looked them up. I found on HHLG's site an application form for wanting to go. I knew that for both HCPT and HHLG the idea was to take disabled children and I didn't see myself more deserving of a place than those children, but I felt I could fit into the category and part of me believed I would get as much out of the experience as them although in a very different way. So I filled in the application form for HHLG, not at all sure what the outcome would be. I then mentioned my desire to go to my head of year in school.
A couple of weeks later I had taken the day off school cos I was having a bad day and my head of year rang my house. I thought I was in trouble for not going in yet again. But my mum came in to tell me that my head of year had managed to arrange for me to travel with HCPT Cardiff group 105 that Easter as a child. I cried with happiness, I couldn't believe it, a dream come true.
So I travelled to Lourdes for the first time at the age of 14 in 2006. Before I went my greatest fear was I would get home sick whilst out there. I had suffered from home sickness all my life, preventing me from going on school trips, going to sleepovers etc. Otherwise I was filled with excitement. Whilst out there I was hooked on the place, the atmosphere, the family feel of the group and the beautiful children. And I did get as much out of it as the other children there. I didn't feel home sick once, and was cured of my home sickness and havent experienced it since.
At the time that I went to Lourdes I was very ill with my depression, at a real low point and was hanging round with the wrong people. I don't blame them but they couldn't give me the strength and support I needed from my friends, which looking back is completely fair enough at the age of 14, bless them they must have found it incredibly tough. But we were a small, isolated group of friends and we weren't the happiest of people. My parents knew that I needed to move away from them as friends as it was a bad position to be in but they were not going to tell me to do it, they wanted me to realise it myself. I knew deep in my heart it was what I needed to do but I wasn't brave enough and was so scared of then being alone. I went to Lourdes and during the week there I found a great strength. My faith was renewed and reborn. And I found the strength there to come home and break away from the group of friends. It was hard at first, spent lunch times in the library alone, crying, it was horrible. But I knew I had made the right decision. And sure enough, after a week, Hannah, someone who was in my class but who I never really spoke to came over and said she had noticed I was alone and invited me to join her crowd for lunch. Her crowd was a very large group, possibly the largest friendship group in the year, people made fun of them but through envy, but none of them cared, they were all so happy and easy going, all the time. And they welcomed me with open arms. And after just months of hanging around with them I had a group of best friends, a large and varied group who kept me smiling and gave me great strength. And after nearly 2 years of depression I was stable for 3 months, the most amazing feeling in the world.
People believe miracles happen in Lourdes, one of the reasons disabled children are taken there. But many haven't actually experienced it and there are few reported cases. But when people think of those miracles, they are thinking of those who cannot walk being able to walk again etc. But I believe I am a miracle of Lourdes. To find the strength to make a huge decision that led to my illness becoming stable, even if only temporarily, is a miracle.
And so it holds an incredibly special place in my heart and I continue to travel with HCPT group 105, giving to the group back what they gave me as well as ensuring that many children can have the experience I did and take something away from it. We take children who are disabled and need round the clock care. They are in our care 24 hours a day for a week and as helpers we become their primary carers for a week. The children stay in the hotel with us and are given a holiday like any other child would have. 5000 other people join HCPT annualy for their pilgrimage. The week is filled with mass, but mass like I have never seen before, where everyone is singing and playing instruments, children are not silenced and there is great fun and joy, days out, trips, singing, cafe breaks, parties. The children take so much from it, even if they can't talk you knnow they are enjoying themselves as they are constantly smiling. It makes you realise how lucky you are as these children make no fuss, they don't complain, they are just happy. You have to give a lot as a helper, a week of your life, money, you give up having time to yourself or getting much sleep. But the children give you so much back that it is completely worth it.
When the opportunity came up in college to travel with the Welsh National Pilgrimage, I wanted to go to see what the difference was to HCPT, and any excuse to go back to Lourdes. Young people from Wales travel out and help elderly and sick of all ages who travel with the pilgrimage and who stay in the hospital in Lourdes. So some huge differences - firstly, your not 24 hour carers, you have shifts. Secondly, the amount of care the pilgrims require is a lot less in comparison to the children. Thirdly it is less concentrated care as there are 80 or so young people and 20 odd pilgrims. So at night, you drink and sing in the bars. The level of alcohol is a lot more than with HCPT as you can't drink much as you have children to be responsible for. And I am with young people who are friends and my own age, so a very different experience. You can't really compare as they are so different. If I had to choose it would be HCPT without a hesitation. But I do enjoy Welsh National as it will be my 3rd year with them this year. But wheras with HCPT I hope to travel every year forever and become group leader one day, this will most probably be my last time with Welsh National.
I get so much out of Lourdes. I cut myself off from the world and can live in my own little happy bubble which isn't really reality. My faith is renewed and strengthened and emotions run high in Lourdes for everyone. Not just those with faith, but those who don't believe are touched and take something from being in Lourdes. Some find faith, others find strength and many have a desire to return. It is not for everyone but many can't help but love it.