Amazing writing by my mate Hannah O'Brien, she makes me laugh all the time and through her poetry you lot can giggle too! much love for her! xxxxx

 Dear Applicant,
                        
We appreciate your interest in Distinctly Average Yet Considered Reasonably Prestigious But Not Quite Marks And Spencer Company and the position of Nobody to which you applied, but regret to inform you that you have been unsuccessful. Here at Distinctly Average Yet Considered Reasonably Prestigious But Not Quite Marks And Spencer Company, we dedicate a great amount of time into distinguishing between the Appli-can and the Appli-can’t, between the Candidate and the Can’tdidate if you will. Unfortunately you fall into the latter of the categories.

In terms of what makes a good employee, we consider time management to be an integral stitch in the Distinctly Average Yet Considered Reasonably Prestigious But Not Quite Marks And Spencer Company sweater. Although on time for your interview, you must take into consideration the fact that by ’13.00’ we actually mean ‘12.52 with a dashing grin, an eye for good salesmanship and a nose for Febreze Cotton Fresh.’ Your arrival time of 12.58 just did not make the cut, and so next time we’d recommend you sharpen your chronological knife before attempting an incision.

Although we appreciate your efforts towards maintaining an enthusiastic demeanour throughout the interview process, unfortunately for you your interviewer had had a particularly bad morning, what with her car getting clamped outside Tesco when she was only inside for a second to get some bread and milk. As a result, your pleasantries actually grated on her nerves a bit, and the resulting grated membrane was sprinkled over your employability like moulded cheese over a piece of Warburton’s finest Farmhouse Loaf.

Presentation is also a high point of concern here at Distinctly Average Yet Considered Reasonably Prestigious But Not Quite Marks And Spencer Company, and although you clearly made an effort, the pattern on your shirt was a tad dated and the interviewer did not like your skirt.

All things considered, we found that although you were employee material to an extent, you were a bit on the creased side and would benefit from ironing yourself a bit before future interviews.


Yours Sincerely,

Jill, Admin.

Distinctly Average Yet Considered Reasonably Prestigious But Not Quite Marks And Spencer Company.

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