Saturday 5 January 2013

2013....

So it's been a while since I've written on here. Why? I guess for two reasons:
1) life has been busy, getting myself back on my feet, starting anew - it can be exhausting stuff! I''ve now got my own flat and have normal worries like how am I going to pay the bills? and running out of milk! I'm getting involved with youth ministry in the archdiocese and other churchy stuff, which I'm loving. I've started my youth work degree- very exciting! I do it all in my own time through the Open University, and I'm really enjoying it. Work wise I'm doing bits and bobs to pay the bills. For someone who said I would never do a mundane 9-5 job to pay the bills, right now that is exactly what I'm looking for. And I don't mind. Because it's life. Normal life. That's what you have to do sometimes to get by. And I'm not worried that I'm going through this phase in life, normality, normal problems, being a normal 21 year old. If anything it's quite nice. And somehow, although I'm unemployed and struggling to pay the rent, searching for whatever job I can get, I feel the most stable in life I have ever felt. Don't get me wrong, it's stressful, but it's normal stress that everyone has to face in life. And so I strangely feel stable. It's a nice feeling.
2) I don't need this blog as much as I used to. For the very reason that I feel stable. I created this blog for a few reasons - I wanted to document my life. I still do, but it's not as interesting now! I wanted somewhere to vent, to express thoughts and feelings. I still do, but I don't need to vent as often. I want to write a book one day. I still do I guess, but I may never find the time!

I met up with a friend who I know through YCW. He has known me since I was 17. We lived together in my first year in London. He was in complete shock at how well I was doing. This is the best place I've been in in years, if ever. I don't want to jinx it, or get too excited. I know there will still be really tough days, I'm certain I will be on medication for the rest of my life and depression may once again encompass me one day. But for now, things are good. When I look back at the year I have had, I have complete faith that no matter how tough things get, I will get through somehow, because you have to.

I look back at what I wrote on here a year ago. Full of hope, excitement and joy for what 2012 had in store. Oh how differently it turned out. And now I know, I have to take each day as it comes. We can plan ahead, but plans don't always work out how we think. When I was 15 I said that by this age I'd be graduating from university in the summer with a degree in social work and a social work job lined up. And look at where I am. And that's how I know and believe so strongly that it's all in God's hands, he will make the plan, He has made the plan, long before I was conceived. Where will I be in 6 months time? Not a clue! I'd love to be diocesan youth officer for Cardiff Archdiocese. But who knows? But I don't mind not knowing the exact details anymore.

I always think I'm so mature, grounded and know so much about life, myself and my illness. I always think I can't get any stronger or wiser. What I now know is that infact I am growing and learning more and more each day. I'm sure life will throw more and more challenges at me as life continues, because that's what life is about. And I will only grow in strength, maturity and wisdom.

And I'm only 21. Still so young.

So all in all. I'm excited!

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