i want you with mewhen the ground starts to shakei want you with meeach day when i wake
and i hope you forgive meall my mistakesand yes, i’ll be with youto the last mile of the way
like day turns to nightstone turns to dust (yeah)like life becomes memoriessteel becomes rust
pain’s just a lesson learnedwe’ll look back one dayand i’ll take you with meto the last mile of the way
Wednesday 25 January 2012
Friday 20 January 2012
He says it better than me
A blog post written by Paul Brook my Time to Change.... It's got me thinking I should follow in his footsteps
Depression is like a slippery serpent, slinking about in the shadows. It slithers into your mind, where it feasts on – and feeds – your fears, doubts, worries and anger. And once it’s got hold of you, it makes you jive to its sinister tunes.
You could look at it as a vampire. Not the young, sexy kind of vampire you might be used to seeing in the movies, but the evil, vicious sort that’s too busy eating away at your confidence and self-esteem to pause for a pout.
Whether you see it as a serpent, a vampire, a bully or – as many do – a black dog or a dark cloud, depression is an invisible illness that relishes the dark.
Because you often have no outward symptoms of depression, it’s not the kind of illness where someone will come up to you in the kitchen at work and say ‘Oh dear, you don’t look well’. There are no spots or swellings to give the game away.
This is perhaps why depression can end up feeling like a dirty secret. Nobody will know about it if you don’t tell them. And the cruel thing about this illness is that it makes you feel ashamed of it. If you admit to it, terrible things might happen to you. The doctor might PUT YOU ON TABLETS. Oh the shame. You might even get SIGNED OFF WORK. How humiliating.
Both of these things have happened to me. Both have been necessary, and both have helped me. Nobody has given me any stick for it. In fact, the more people I talk to about my depression, the more I realise how common it is, and how many people – old and young, male and female – have experienced it at some point in their lives.
I didn’t talk about my depression for a long time, because I didn’t really want to admit I’d got it. I gradually told a few more of my friends, and the encouraging thing was that they were all so supportive and understanding. Nobody came out with those classic lines ‘Well you look OK to me’ or ‘Pull yourself together’.
The big change for me, though, was when I wrote my first blog about depression. I’d previously written about light-hearted stuff, like going on holiday and bird watching, but something compelled me to write about this hidden scourge of my life. I took a deep breath, posted the link on Twitter and Facebook, where I knew my friends and colleagues would see it, and then sat and wondered whether I’d done the right thing.
Well, I needn’t have worried. The response was overwhelming – humbling, even. And it has been the same whenever I’ve posted anything about depression. There are loads of people out there who are experiencing the same thing, supporting and encouraging each other.
Don’t let your depression trap you in a dark corner. Shine a bright light on it – expose it for the snivelling little viper that it really is. It really won’t like it.
My first step to confronting depression was to admit to myself that I needed some help. My second step was to get that help. And my third was to ‘come out’ about it – to write openly and honestly about what was happening to me. It’s actually quite therapeutic.
Does this mean I’m cheerfully shouting out about my illness from the rooftops? No – it’s much easier for me to write about it than to talk about it. Not long ago, when someone asked me on the phone why I’d been off work, I told him I wouldn’t bore him with the details, and swiftly moved on. But that was because I didn’t know him very well and felt it was none of his business.
Many people do know about my depression, including you. And I’m happy about that. Keeping a secret can be stressful – and let’s face it, there are enough stresses in life without creating more of them for yourself. This is one secret you should share.
Depression is like a slippery serpent, slinking about in the shadows. It slithers into your mind, where it feasts on – and feeds – your fears, doubts, worries and anger. And once it’s got hold of you, it makes you jive to its sinister tunes.
You could look at it as a vampire. Not the young, sexy kind of vampire you might be used to seeing in the movies, but the evil, vicious sort that’s too busy eating away at your confidence and self-esteem to pause for a pout.
Whether you see it as a serpent, a vampire, a bully or – as many do – a black dog or a dark cloud, depression is an invisible illness that relishes the dark.
Because you often have no outward symptoms of depression, it’s not the kind of illness where someone will come up to you in the kitchen at work and say ‘Oh dear, you don’t look well’. There are no spots or swellings to give the game away.
This is perhaps why depression can end up feeling like a dirty secret. Nobody will know about it if you don’t tell them. And the cruel thing about this illness is that it makes you feel ashamed of it. If you admit to it, terrible things might happen to you. The doctor might PUT YOU ON TABLETS. Oh the shame. You might even get SIGNED OFF WORK. How humiliating.
Both of these things have happened to me. Both have been necessary, and both have helped me. Nobody has given me any stick for it. In fact, the more people I talk to about my depression, the more I realise how common it is, and how many people – old and young, male and female – have experienced it at some point in their lives.
I didn’t talk about my depression for a long time, because I didn’t really want to admit I’d got it. I gradually told a few more of my friends, and the encouraging thing was that they were all so supportive and understanding. Nobody came out with those classic lines ‘Well you look OK to me’ or ‘Pull yourself together’.
The big change for me, though, was when I wrote my first blog about depression. I’d previously written about light-hearted stuff, like going on holiday and bird watching, but something compelled me to write about this hidden scourge of my life. I took a deep breath, posted the link on Twitter and Facebook, where I knew my friends and colleagues would see it, and then sat and wondered whether I’d done the right thing.
Well, I needn’t have worried. The response was overwhelming – humbling, even. And it has been the same whenever I’ve posted anything about depression. There are loads of people out there who are experiencing the same thing, supporting and encouraging each other.
Don’t let your depression trap you in a dark corner. Shine a bright light on it – expose it for the snivelling little viper that it really is. It really won’t like it.
My first step to confronting depression was to admit to myself that I needed some help. My second step was to get that help. And my third was to ‘come out’ about it – to write openly and honestly about what was happening to me. It’s actually quite therapeutic.
Does this mean I’m cheerfully shouting out about my illness from the rooftops? No – it’s much easier for me to write about it than to talk about it. Not long ago, when someone asked me on the phone why I’d been off work, I told him I wouldn’t bore him with the details, and swiftly moved on. But that was because I didn’t know him very well and felt it was none of his business.
Many people do know about my depression, including you. And I’m happy about that. Keeping a secret can be stressful – and let’s face it, there are enough stresses in life without creating more of them for yourself. This is one secret you should share.
I asked and I received
I asked for strength and God gave me the difficulties to make me strong, I asked for wisdom and God gave me problems to solve, I asked for prosperity and God gave me brawn and brain to work, I asked for courage and God gave me dangers to overcome, I asked for patience and God put me in a situation where I was forced to wait, I asked for love and God gave me troubled people to help, I asked for favors and God gave me opportunities. I asked for everything so I could enjoy life. Instead he gave me life so that I could enjoy everything. I received nothing I wanted but everything I needed.
Monday 16 January 2012
so many suffer, yet are not heard
Today I was looking through a friend's facebook photos, a friend who I worked with in YCW, a great young person who I'm not overly close to but when I have a chance to see, enjoy spending time with and care for. He posted a photo back in November of a sign at a hospital and named it 'after 5 years since being diagnosed with a rare form of cancer I have been discharged and given the all clear!'.
A few things struck me:
- 136 people liked the photo. He is a radio dj and so has a huge amount of facebook contacts, but this is still quite a number!
- I had no idea he was diagnosed, although we are not close enough that he would have told me, it appears it's not common knowledge either or I feel I would have known. I wonder how many of those who liked the photo were aware in the first placce.
- but most importantly it highlighted to me that mental health issues are still so taboo. If I posted a photo of a sign of the mental health clinic and put it on facebook and called it 'I have been discharged after 7 years of suffering with depression!' people may think me crazy! it would not get the same response. many would be disgusted that I chose to share it with the world, even though those that I have on facebook are meant to be my friends.
This then got me questioning whether I should do more to make it less of a taboo subject, seeing as it bothers me so much and raise awareness? I support all who do and have much admiration for them. Do I want to make it something I do too? Should I be more vocal and honest about my illness to make people see it is ok to talk about it? the furthest I go is round about referring to it through comments with others on fb/twitter and by writing very honestly on this blog, which I don't think many read.
Maybe I will put this on facebook and twitter.... but in my line of work, is it ok for my colleagues to see? And it frustrates me greatly that I should even have to ask that question.
I often compare mental health issues to cancer and the sad reality is that in some ways they are similar. And that if I was sufferring with cancer, I'm sure my colleagues would know all about it....
A few things struck me:
- 136 people liked the photo. He is a radio dj and so has a huge amount of facebook contacts, but this is still quite a number!
- I had no idea he was diagnosed, although we are not close enough that he would have told me, it appears it's not common knowledge either or I feel I would have known. I wonder how many of those who liked the photo were aware in the first placce.
- but most importantly it highlighted to me that mental health issues are still so taboo. If I posted a photo of a sign of the mental health clinic and put it on facebook and called it 'I have been discharged after 7 years of suffering with depression!' people may think me crazy! it would not get the same response. many would be disgusted that I chose to share it with the world, even though those that I have on facebook are meant to be my friends.
This then got me questioning whether I should do more to make it less of a taboo subject, seeing as it bothers me so much and raise awareness? I support all who do and have much admiration for them. Do I want to make it something I do too? Should I be more vocal and honest about my illness to make people see it is ok to talk about it? the furthest I go is round about referring to it through comments with others on fb/twitter and by writing very honestly on this blog, which I don't think many read.
Maybe I will put this on facebook and twitter.... but in my line of work, is it ok for my colleagues to see? And it frustrates me greatly that I should even have to ask that question.
I often compare mental health issues to cancer and the sad reality is that in some ways they are similar. And that if I was sufferring with cancer, I'm sure my colleagues would know all about it....
Thursday 12 January 2012
It's time we helped ourselves.
I've watched the BBC documentary on Depression in sport.
Firstly,without ambiguity,i believe that any tv or radio show that deals with this subject in 2012,is A) very very welcome,and B) long overdue.
I'm not going to talk about individual experiences with Depression as they are varied in severity,in length,in symptoms and everyone has varying trigger points that lead to bouts.
I would say however that i hope that BBC,ITV,Channel 4/5 and satellite broadcasters continue to explore the illness,highlight it,and put pressure on government to give the illness equal status to other serious illness.
I remember an excellent documentary in 2004 i think by Prof Lewis Wolpert,who is an expert in the field of Depressive illness,and who's documentary was truly groundbreaking at a time when Depression was still at best misunderstood,and at worst maligned as some kind of personality weakness.
This documentary in my view was not followed up,and as a consequence,in 2012 we are having to rely on sporting and celebrity tales of experiences,however welcome to make people believe that what they are going through is somehow validated because a celebrity goes through the same.
I find this really worrying as celebrity endorsements,trends,and awareness raising tend to be lauded in the short term but forgotten in the medium to long term.I hope i'm wrong but having seen so many false dawns over 15 years in this regard,unless government are lobbied,unless broadcasters produce more programming to highlight,with experts and real life stories from everyone in the UK,momentum will be lost,and we will still be banging this same drum in 2112.
The tide is turning though,from every section of our society now feeling willing and able to tell their stories through twitter,blogs and forums.This to me is where the real breakthrough will be made,alongside any high profile people who can find it in themselves to speak up and speak out.For that,Freddie Flintoff,Neil Lennon,Marcus Trescothick and many more are to be applauded.
There could be 20 million Depression sufferers in the UK,and i don't know any other illness with such a large spread of people from every walk of life,in every part of the country that has such a small voice at present than Depression sufferers,so the question i ask to everyone struggling,or know someone who does is...
"When are we going to stand up,mobilise,and put this illness at the top of the agenda in 2012,and make this year more than any other one where real progress is made to educate,raise awareness and break the stigma,allowing people simply to get well,and have tools available to stay alive,happy and contribute fully in our society?"
The NHS has to cut it's cloth in a recession,and in conversations with mental health professionals in the public and private sector,mental health funding is always one of the hardest hit when it comes to cuts,so it's even more important for Depression sufferers in the UK to come together to make sure that 20 million people are not a scattered bunch at the bottom of the care pile but at the very top with every other serious illness.
Anything else in 2012 is not acceptable.
So i ask every one of you reading this to join one of the charities at the bottom of the page,to demand proper information and care from your GP,and to lobby your local MP to keep the illness and the conversation at the top of the agenda this year.
I can deal with Depression.I can't deal with ignorance and a lack of professional support.
It's time we helped ourselves.Please.
Stan Collymore
Firstly,without ambiguity,i believe that any tv or radio show that deals with this subject in 2012,is A) very very welcome,and B) long overdue.
I'm not going to talk about individual experiences with Depression as they are varied in severity,in length,in symptoms and everyone has varying trigger points that lead to bouts.
I would say however that i hope that BBC,ITV,Channel 4/5 and satellite broadcasters continue to explore the illness,highlight it,and put pressure on government to give the illness equal status to other serious illness.
I remember an excellent documentary in 2004 i think by Prof Lewis Wolpert,who is an expert in the field of Depressive illness,and who's documentary was truly groundbreaking at a time when Depression was still at best misunderstood,and at worst maligned as some kind of personality weakness.
This documentary in my view was not followed up,and as a consequence,in 2012 we are having to rely on sporting and celebrity tales of experiences,however welcome to make people believe that what they are going through is somehow validated because a celebrity goes through the same.
I find this really worrying as celebrity endorsements,trends,and awareness raising tend to be lauded in the short term but forgotten in the medium to long term.I hope i'm wrong but having seen so many false dawns over 15 years in this regard,unless government are lobbied,unless broadcasters produce more programming to highlight,with experts and real life stories from everyone in the UK,momentum will be lost,and we will still be banging this same drum in 2112.
The tide is turning though,from every section of our society now feeling willing and able to tell their stories through twitter,blogs and forums.This to me is where the real breakthrough will be made,alongside any high profile people who can find it in themselves to speak up and speak out.For that,Freddie Flintoff,Neil Lennon,Marcus Trescothick and many more are to be applauded.
There could be 20 million Depression sufferers in the UK,and i don't know any other illness with such a large spread of people from every walk of life,in every part of the country that has such a small voice at present than Depression sufferers,so the question i ask to everyone struggling,or know someone who does is...
"When are we going to stand up,mobilise,and put this illness at the top of the agenda in 2012,and make this year more than any other one where real progress is made to educate,raise awareness and break the stigma,allowing people simply to get well,and have tools available to stay alive,happy and contribute fully in our society?"
The NHS has to cut it's cloth in a recession,and in conversations with mental health professionals in the public and private sector,mental health funding is always one of the hardest hit when it comes to cuts,so it's even more important for Depression sufferers in the UK to come together to make sure that 20 million people are not a scattered bunch at the bottom of the care pile but at the very top with every other serious illness.
Anything else in 2012 is not acceptable.
So i ask every one of you reading this to join one of the charities at the bottom of the page,to demand proper information and care from your GP,and to lobby your local MP to keep the illness and the conversation at the top of the agenda this year.
I can deal with Depression.I can't deal with ignorance and a lack of professional support.
It's time we helped ourselves.Please.
Stan Collymore
Wednesday 4 January 2012
Fr Joseph Cardijn: Fr Joseph Cardijn
Fr Joseph Cardijn: Fr Joseph Cardijn: By Father Langdal Joseph Cardijn, eldest son of Henri Cardijn and Louise van Daelen, was born on November 13th, 1882 , at Schaerbee...
Fr Joseph Cardijn: Why?
Fr Joseph Cardijn: Why?: Did you ever ask why Fr Joseph Cardijn wanted to start the YCW? Or indeed why so many young people decided to join the movement? ...
Tuesday 3 January 2012
Happy New Year!!
For all who read my blog (if anyone), wishing you a Happy New Year!
Looking back at 2011, it was a really tough one. I learnt about heart break for one. I know, I know, so unbelievably cheesy, but trust me, I thought I was in love when I was 15, little did I know. Even a year on there is a slight pain when I think of him, that shows just how much he meant to me. But I'm glad that part of my life is in the past. I hope a new year will allow me to close the door on that.
Work has seen some really really tough times that have tested us all, myself mostly. And I have really had to fight. Yes, I have been ill in the past and had to fight then, but nothing quite like this time. But it made me ten times stronger. I don't regret it for a second and it made me realise my love for youth work and most of all, the YCW. And so I will take that new enthusiasm and love for my work into 2012, along with a greater strength then ever before. You can't get weaker, it's not possible. I thought I was strong, then I got stronger.
My faith has been challenged, a new experience for me. It's been tough but I'm getting there. I'm taking the right steps.
I've made many new friends. I don't think I have lost any friends, which is nice!
Family life hasn't been smooth running but we have pulled through together. It isn't over yet but we are getting there, which is nice.
And so I look to 2012.
And what a year it's gonna be! The olympics are coming to the UK and so is YCW's international congress! And although I may collapse at the end of it, I pray each day I will push to the end of it cos if I manage to it's going to be one of the most amazing things I will ever have the opportunity to be part of! As you can tell, I'm so unbelievably excited, if not slightly scared!
So work is going to extremely busy, but really good busy.
I am also seeing Steps, Westlife twice, including their last ever show in Croke Park (!!!!) and Michael McIntyre. I cannot wait, I consider myself incredibly lucky!!
Big family birthdays mean a big family party!
And I'm sure there are many more beautiful things coming my way. Compared to last year,
I can't believe how far I have come and know I still have so far to go! I love starting the year on a much more positive note than last year, it gives me a good feeling!
I hope the New Year brings for you all that you hope and dream for as well.
Looking back at 2011, it was a really tough one. I learnt about heart break for one. I know, I know, so unbelievably cheesy, but trust me, I thought I was in love when I was 15, little did I know. Even a year on there is a slight pain when I think of him, that shows just how much he meant to me. But I'm glad that part of my life is in the past. I hope a new year will allow me to close the door on that.
Work has seen some really really tough times that have tested us all, myself mostly. And I have really had to fight. Yes, I have been ill in the past and had to fight then, but nothing quite like this time. But it made me ten times stronger. I don't regret it for a second and it made me realise my love for youth work and most of all, the YCW. And so I will take that new enthusiasm and love for my work into 2012, along with a greater strength then ever before. You can't get weaker, it's not possible. I thought I was strong, then I got stronger.
My faith has been challenged, a new experience for me. It's been tough but I'm getting there. I'm taking the right steps.
I've made many new friends. I don't think I have lost any friends, which is nice!
Family life hasn't been smooth running but we have pulled through together. It isn't over yet but we are getting there, which is nice.
And so I look to 2012.
And what a year it's gonna be! The olympics are coming to the UK and so is YCW's international congress! And although I may collapse at the end of it, I pray each day I will push to the end of it cos if I manage to it's going to be one of the most amazing things I will ever have the opportunity to be part of! As you can tell, I'm so unbelievably excited, if not slightly scared!
So work is going to extremely busy, but really good busy.
I am also seeing Steps, Westlife twice, including their last ever show in Croke Park (!!!!) and Michael McIntyre. I cannot wait, I consider myself incredibly lucky!!
Big family birthdays mean a big family party!
And I'm sure there are many more beautiful things coming my way. Compared to last year,
I can't believe how far I have come and know I still have so far to go! I love starting the year on a much more positive note than last year, it gives me a good feeling!
I hope the New Year brings for you all that you hope and dream for as well.
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